An Open Letter
by Ishido Shuuji
Summary: Gouenji is deep within Fifth Sector disguised as their Holy Emperor, Ishido Shuuji. Yet he still thinks of his old friends and writes an open letter to all of them in a bid to explain his actions and feelings.


**This is just a little one-shot I wrote from Gouenji's point of view. All though season 1 of Go we saw him as this terrible man who was enjoying controlling soccer and then as the Gouenji we always knew at the end once his intentions were clear. But I'm sad we never got to see the inner turmoil he must have felt during his time as Seitei and so I wrote this as if Gouenji himself had wrote to his former friends explaining his actions. I hope you like it.**

* * *

I had to do it. I hope you'll forgive me when the time comes. For now, I guess, you all hate me, for the man I am today is not the boy I was then.

I saw it taking shape before my own eyes whilst playing in the professional league. The up and coming players of tomorrow had no fire in their hearts, success was the only acceptable outcome for them. But for one team to enjoy victory, another must taste defeat. It was only natural. You grew from your losses. Only that man doesn't see it this way. I myself can see his reasoning but if this continues for much longer then it will lead to the elimination of everything I hold dear.

To infiltrate them I needed to sever all ties with you. Told you I'd been offered a transfer to Spain to play in La Liga. Actually that was the truth, the offer was put on the table for me, alongside similar offers to join the leagues in England, Germany and Italy. I turned them all down and so began my deception.

I never left Japan. Instead I retreated to Okinawa for five months. I always enjoyed my time there anyway. Careful not to bump into Hijikata or Tsunami and blow my cover, I kept my hair down so they'd not recognise me should we happen to pass on the street. The climate caused my skin to darken and my hair to pale, not to mention I stopped cutting it and let it grow beyond my shoulders. My identity change had started.

Would you have tried to stop me had you knew? I think you almost certainly would. Or at least concoct a plan where everyone was involved to take down this organisation I now belong to. But that would look like a coup and the key to eradicating those who seek to destroy was to gain their trust and dismantle them from the inside. So what if I destroyed my own self while doing it? It was a small price to pay. This is why I cut you off, I needed to do this alone. I ignored all your calls for the first month before changing my number completely giving you no ability to track and trace me.

Yuuka knew of course, and Father. They would have worried otherwise and much as I needed to do this by myself, the risk of being ousted by detectives on a missing person investigation was too big a risk. Father doesn't understand of course. We get along just fine now but he can't see why I'm risking my whole life on this gambit. I hope he's still proud of me once this is over. It's the main reason I chose a new name. If I fail and destroy what reputation I hold myself then so be it, but I couldn't bear to see his good name ruined at the same time. Or maybe that might happen anyway regardless of the outcome. Sometimes I think I'm in too deep but there is no going back. I have to try at least.

Of course I'm not totally alone in this organisation. Toramaru has been with me for most of the time I have been in this grand building. He wasn't meant to find out like yourselves, but Yuuka accidently mentioned it while she was upset after splitting up with her boyfriend. She'd gone to his family restaurant and somehow told him everything while he comforted her. At first I was worried he'd ruin everything but instead he chose to join me on this possibly thankless mission, even if he too doesn't fully understand my ways of dealing with the situation in hand.

And Endou, my oldest and dearest friend; to see your face pained as it was as you visited that day was almost my undoing. When you offered me the option of joining you and together thinking of a way to overcome this obstacle, it was all I could do to restrain myself from accepting your offer and returning once more to the safety of my friends. But ultimately your team need you more than I. I only hope you will still consider me as a friend once this is through.

If this doesn't turn out how I expected then I doubt I'll ever see you all again. I took a chance I knew was risky and if I am wrong then I will spend the remainder of my days in servitude to a man whose ideas I loathe. But I suppose I will deserve it should that be the outcome.

My time with you all was the happiest of my life and I shall never forget those memories. I hope you won't too. If you are reading this following Raimon's defeat at Holy Road then please know that I am truly sorry for all I put you through. I took a gamble trying to make a wrong right but it must have backfired and now I must pay penance for my actions.

But I don't believe that will be the case however. If anyone can stop this from going any further it is you. You who, like myself, put aside their own careers to stop this anomaly. You who should be playing for World class soccer clubs but are instead safeguarding this beautiful game for the children of tomorrow. I believe in you like I believe in Matsukaze. He is the only one who can initiate this wind of change.

Until the day we can reunite and play our own soccer once again, I must bid you farewell. Ours is not an easy road to walk but, if overcome, will be the pathway to our future hopes and dreams.

You remain forever in my thoughts,

Gouenji


End file.
